Skip to main content

26 Common secrets for parenting: Biggest indicator of success at 32 years is having self-control when a kid is 12 years old-

By
*Collapse of Parenting*

1) Statistically the biggest indicator of success at 32 years is having self-control when a kid is 12 years old. Success is determined by a lot of factors namely no drug , no criminal violation, having a stable job, good citizenship etc

2)  Make your kids speak their native language at home and with you. Reduce generation gap by involving their grandparents in their lives. If possible try to convince their grand-parents  to move in with you.

3) Make them feel proud of their heritage. Kids nowadays are ashamed to talk their language or wear their cultural attire. In a quest to fit in and assimilate they want to no longer associate with their roots.

4) Have a friend circle with folks whose kids also are able to communicate in the same mother tongue. This way the kids can talk the language among themselves.

5) Do not give them smart phones until you know they are responsible. Buy them a dumb phone if required. This phone will fulfill the needs.

6) He went onto compare American society of the 50s to now. The family unit used to be the focus of ads and movies. How media has changed. At that time shows that depict parents as role models having strong moral characters were popular. Now shows like Simpsons etc that show Parents as dumb are popular. Make sure u keep track of things your kids watch. The more they watch shows like this the more they will loose respect for you as a parent.

7) Keep them away from games that promote violence and vice. He talked about Fortnite and Grand Theft Auto. Grand theft auto in particular rewards a person for doing all the wrong stuff like stealing cars and killing people. What kind of character is that going to build. He talked about how violence in games is directly related to gun violence in America with statistical examples.

8) No TV or computers in the bedroom. Kids cannot be in the bedroom with screen whether its school work or something else. Make family room a place where screen time is allowed. Follow the example yourself as well. Bedroom should be a place to go to sleep not to socialize with the outside world.

9) Keep kids away from Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook if possible as long as possible. Put monitoring software on their devices so that every single picture they take or Share , you get notified. Take their phones away at 9 in the night and give it back to them in the morning. Tell them that this is a condition going forward if they would like to keep their phone.

10) Be a peer to them but not a friend. If you become too friendly with the kids, they will start taking you for granted. Speak to them from a place of authority where No means No. When you take away the privileges from kids for their bad actions, they are going to resist. Be firm, remember you are the Parent.

11) Girls according to statistics are greatly influenced by Instagram and snapchat. Girls by nature will always post the good thing happening in their lives. This will create a false illusion among other girls and lead them to think that their life is a mess and make them go into depression. Boys are more influenced by video games. Limit screen time to 20 minutes a day during the week and 1 hour on weekends. But the condition is they complete all their school work. If they do not listen take away their devices.

12) Raise kids with humility. A very important characteristic. This can be inculcated by making them do chores at home even though you can afford maids. He said that the typical thing that parents say is my son/daughter is already so busy I cannot burden him or her. This is a very wrong approach and will make your kids grow up with a feeling of entitlement and selfishness.

13) The biggest detrimental effect of increased screen time or social media is the displacement effect. Which means that the time they are spending on games is the time they are not spending on something useful.

14) Know what kind of music they listen to. The music of these times are ripe with sexual innuendo . Make sure they do not make people like Justin Bieber or Akon as their role models. He gave example of how the chartbuster song last year with some 1 billion or so downloads was filled with the most sexual content imaginable. 

15) T-shirts with stuff written with rude and offensive remarks like "I will trade wifi for my Brother", "I don't care" etc should not be encouraged. T-shirts of these types when shown in Scotland and Australia, people found it very offensive. He actually talked about a guy he found wandering the Streets of  Australia who was wearing this type of T-shirt . When Dr. Sax approached he found out he was an American visiting Australia.

16) America is one of the leading countries where drugs are given to kids in the name of ADHD and Depression. The statistics he said was the whole of France does not prescribe medicine for these disorders as much as they would do in entire Houston. Any small issues with A Kid, he is treated with anti depression medicine. This is all destroying a generation.

17) He said religion is a very important factor in people's life. Now a day’s people have made popularity, fame, money etc as their God. When people lack a higher purpose in life then they try to make materialistic things as their end goal.

18) When they surveyed people in the 1980s in America as to what are the 15 most important qualities or  characteristics people should possess. Having good character and helping people etc were all top of the list and being famous was on number 15 on the list. Today becoming famous is at number one. Signs of the changing times.

19) There is a big industry that makes phone apps that look like calculators, but when you enter a certain number it opens into an app that shows pornographic images. This way the kids can fool their parents. It goes beyond this. If the kid shakes the phone before handing over to the parent, the app disappears without a trace, not even in the recent list. Unless u download certain monitoring software it will be difficult for parents to keep on top of their kids online activity. Netnanny is one of the software he recommended.

20) The kids who are addicted to online bad video games, when we ask them, are there any changes in their personality, they compare themselves with who are their peers and in similar situation and feel that they are OK, normal. But they are not comparing with normal kids who are not addicted.

22) Having dinner/meal with family is very important. The kids who eat 7 or more times in a week with family vs those who eat alone, there is big difference in their stress level and self control and happiness

23) if you give 20 min screen time to your kids per day and if they don't use it, those min should not roll over to future dates. 

24) Snapchat photos do not necessarily vanish in 5 sec. There are Apps that circumvent this restriction and allow you to take screen shots of photos without letting the sender know. 

25) For current generation 'how they look' is more important than 'who they are'.

26)Finally, the Doctor added a very important point. He said Human beings have the longest period of childhood of all Mammals. Horses run Derbys when they are aged 3. This is by design for a reason. God has created human beings to have a long period (18 years) in which they are nurtured and the values re-enforced so that they stick with the individual for the rest of his/her life. Once the formative years are lost it is very difficult for an individual to change...

(Below is the reference written by the person who summarised the above from the speech @ Toronto)

Yesterday we attended an event that changed my perspective on raising kids completely. I will try to summarize the key points as it will be helpful to all. The speaker was Dr. Leonard Sax. Even though it was at the mosque it was not related to any religion. The speaker is a Jewish Psychologist and author of a famous book called Collapse of Parenting. He had a lot of statistical information and tips to raise kids in America. Even though it was more focused on American Kids, it applies to bringing up Kids in the Age of Internet and Social Media, the evils of which have spread like an epidemic in the whole world. I can tell you that this was probably the best 3 hour workshop we attended. Even though a big segment was dedicated to social media, it was primarily about raising kids who will go on to have strong character and virtue. I have summarized the points below. (Its shared above in 26 points).

About the book written by author (link):
https://books.google.co.in/books/about/The_Collapse_of_Parenting

#ShareingIsAwesome

Source: received through WhatsApp message

Popular posts from this blog

What Your Child Needs Most From You as a Parent:

By
- > Parents often feel trapped in a cycle of buying educational toys and enforcing strict daily routines.   > In reality, true childhood development comes down to three human essentials that money cannot buy.   > Modern parents face constant pressure to optimize every hour of their child's day with schedules and gadgets.   > Real emotional growth happens simply through connection, space to discover, and a calm presence in moments of chaos. The Three Invisible Essentials of Early Childhood Modern parents are overwhelmed with endless advice, conflicting philosophies, and endless product recommendations. In the rush to optimize every moment of our children's lives, we risk missing the core elements that actually build confidence and emotional security. The truth is, young children do not need perfectly structured days or the latest gadgets; they need three essential, human experiences that only a responsive parent can provide. 1. Intention 2. Commitment 3. Puttin...
Read more

Seven key differences between Parenting in India and Dutch:

By
 - A Dutch mother, Ivana, recently shared her experiences living in Mumbai for nine years, highlighting seven key differences between parenting in India. She emphasises that neither approach is "better" or "worse," but rather they involve different trade-offs.  Key Differences in Parenting: According to her viral reflections on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWJv7RLDM-z/), the primary contrasts include: * Community vs. Solo Marathon: In the Netherlands, parenting often feels like a "solo marathon". In Mumbai, she experiences a "real village" where family, neighbours, and the building community are always available to help. * Independence vs. Interdependence: Dutch culture raises children to be "fierceley independent," such as cycling to school alone at age eight. Indian parenting focuses on interdependence and being part of a larger, supportive system. * Child-Friendly Public Spaces: She notes that children in India are acce...
Read more

Click to read: We have together 850+ Articles, Videos and Resources:

By
Click below topic you want to read: ⬇️ Download Credence App if not yet downloaded: Browse, read through your area of interest and share the app with your connections.
Read more

ಪ್ರೊ. ಕೆ. ಎಸ್. ನಿಸಾರ್ ಅಹಮದ್ ರವರ ಜೀವನ-

By
- ಪ್ರೊ.  ಕೆ. ಎಸ್. ನಿಸಾರ್ ಅಹಮದ್ ಪ್ರೊ.ಕೆ.ಎಸ್.ನಿಸಾರ್ ಅಹಮದ್ (5 ಫೆಬ್ರುವರಿ 1936 - 3 ಮೇ 2020) ಕನ್ನಡದ ಪ್ರಮುಖ ಸಾಹಿತಿಗಳಾಗಿದ್ದರು. ಅವರ ಪೂರ್ಣ ಹೆಸರು 'ಕೊಕ್ಕರೆಹೊಸಳ್ಳಿ ಶೇಖಹೈದರ ನಿಸಾರ್ ಅಹಮದ್'. ಅವರು ಬರೆದ 'ಜೋಗದ ಸಿರಿ ಬೆಳಕಿನಲ್ಲಿ ತುಂಗೆಯ ತೆನೆ ಬಳುಕಿನಲ್ಲಿ' ಎಂಬ ಪದ್ಯವು ಬಹಳ ಜನಪ್ರಿಯವಾಗಿ ಅವರು ನಿತ್ಯೋತ್ಸವ ಕವಿಯೆಂದೂ ಕರೆಯಲ್ಪಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು. Image source: Online typing ಜೀವನ- ಪ್ರೊ. ನಿಸಾರ್ ಅಹಮದ್ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು ಜಿಲ್ಲೆಯ ದೇವನಹಳ್ಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ಫೆಬ್ರುವರಿ ೫, ೧೯೩೬ ರಲ್ಲಿ ಜನಿಸಿದರು. ೧೯೫೯ ರಲ್ಲಿ ಭೂವಿಜ್ಞಾನದಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ನಾತಕೋತ್ತರ ಪದವಿ ಪಡೆದರು. ೧೯೯೪ ರ ವರೆಗೆ ವಿವಿಧ ಸರಕಾರಿ ಕಾಲೇಜುಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಅಧ್ಯಾಪಕ ಹಾಗು ಪ್ರಾಧ್ಯಾಪಕರಾಗಿ ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡಿ ನಿವೃತ್ತರಾದರು.             ಜನನ 5 ಫೆಬ್ರುವರಿ 1936 ದೇವನಹಳ್ಳಿ, ಮೈಸೂರು ಸಂಸ್ಥಾನ, ಬ್ರಿಟಿಷ್ ಇಂಡಿಯಾ              ಮರಣ 3 ಮೇ 2020 (ವಯಸ್ಸು 84)[೧] ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು ವೃತ್ತಿ ಸಾಹಿತಿ, ಪ್ರೊಫೆಸರ್ ಭಾಷೆ ಕನ್ನಡ ರಾಷ್ಟ್ರೀಯತೆ ಭಾರತ ಪ್ರಕಾರ/ಶೈಲಿ Fiction ಸಾಹಿತ್ಯ ಚಳುವಳಿ ನವ್ಯ ಕಾವ್ಯ ಪ್ರಮುಖ ಕೆಲಸಗಳು ಮನಸು ಗಾಂಧಿ ಬಜಾರು(1960) ನಿತ್ಯೋತ್ಸವ ಪ್ರಮುಖ ಪ್ರಶಸ್ತಿಗಳು ಪದ್ಮಶ್ರೀ (೨೦೦೮), ರಾಜ್ಯೋತ್ಸವ (೧೯೮೧) ಕೆಲವು ಸಾಹಿತ್ಯಗಳು : ನಿಸಾರ್ ಅಹಮದ್  ...
Read more

If you are in your office more than 2 hours without walking, you are not leading the school. You are managing paperwork:

By
 - A school is not run from a desk. It is led from the corridors. In business they call it MBWA — Management By Walking Around. In schools we call it the Walking Headteacher Principle. The best heads are never hidebound in the office. An office-bound head hears reports about the school. A walking head sees the real school. Why You Must Walk: 1. You See The Invisible Child From your office you only see the naughty child who is sent to you. When you walk at break, at toilet time, in the library, you see the quiet child alone, the bullied child, the hungry child. The child who will never knock on your office door. That 2-minute eye contact in the corridor can save a life. 2. You Kill Problems When They Are Small Office head: Hears about a fight after it happened. Walking head: Sees the push, the swear word, the group forming in the corner, and stops it with a "Hello, boys, everything okay?" before it becomes a fight. Discipline drops by 30-40% just by visible presence. 3. Staff ...
Read more

The final two steps — Analyse and Prevent — are where institutional improvement happens:

By
 - A parent sends a message at 9:00 in the morning: “My child’s notebook has not been checked properly for the last two weeks.” Nobody responds. At 1:00 PM, the parent sends another message. Still no clear response. The next morning, the parent calls reception. Reception says: “We will inform the coordinator.” The coordinator is busy. Another day passes. By the third day, the original notebook issue is no longer the real problem. Now the parent is angry because: Nobody listened Nobody took ownership Nobody communicated Nobody gave a timeline Nobody closed the issue A small academic concern has become a trust problem. This is how many school complaints escalate. Not because the original issue was impossible to solve. Because the school did not have a system to detect, own, resolve, and close the issue early. Strong schools should not only have a Complaint Handling System. They should have a Parent Complaint Prevention System. The objective is different. Complaint handling asks: “How...
Read more

Who is Sir Hajee Ismail Sait of Bangalore:

By
 - Fukhr-ut-Tojjar Sir Hajee Ismail Sait: A Legacy of Business and Philanthropy Fukhr-ut-Tojjar Sir Hajee Ismail Sait (1859-1934) was a prominent Indian businessman, philanthropist, and community leader who left an indelible mark on South India.  He was an Indian banker, businessman and community leader who served as a member of the Madras Legislative Council . Born in Periyakulam, Tamil Nadu, Sait's entrepreneurial journey began early, driven by a strong work ethic and a keen business acumen. A Business Empire Takes Shape Sait's first venture, the "English Warehouse," proved to be a resounding success, catering to the needs of the British community in Bangalore. His entrepreneurial spirit, however, did not limit him to a single venture. He diversified into a wide range of businesses, including mines, and manufacturing units. His astute business decisions saw him rise to become one of the wealthiest merchants in South India. Very quickly, Ismail Sait built on the succ...
Read more

Building India’s Knowledge Foundation: Tata Trusts Unveils Landmark Educational Initiatives Led by Noel Tata:

By
 - In a significant move reinforcing India’s higher education and foundational learning ecosystems, Tata Trusts—under the leadership of Chairman Noel Tata—has outlined a transformative vision for philanthropy in education. Central to this strategy is a ₹500 crore commitment to establish a world-class undergraduate institution in partnership with the Indian Institute of Management Bangalore (IIM Bangalore), alongside a deliberate strategic push toward strengthening primary education across the country. Why Primary Education is the "Need of the Hour" While high-profile investments in higher education often make headlines, Noel Tata emphasized that foundational schooling remains the most critical pillar for sustainable national growth. > "If you don't build the academic foundations of children during the primary years, it may be difficult to catch up later on. So we are also looking at what interventions we can do in primary education." > — Noel Tata, Chairma...
Read more

School Operations Manual:

By
- A school is a complex organization where multiple activities should co-ordinate in sync. Each stake holder - Management, Teacher, Students, Parents and supportive staff, everyone has an important role to play. All these stake holders need to know their job, roles and responsibilities, and also the structure, policy and procedure of their work. Thus a team has come up with a 'school operations manual' to support schools in designing their school policies and procedures, which will help to strengthen the school system.  This manual outlines the significant policies and procedures covering a wide spectrum of activities in a school, starting from affiliation, curriculum planning, extra-curricular activities, value education, school administration, statutory compliances, HR, etc.  The core objective of this manual is to communicate, describe and help in implementing the best practices, policies and procedures so as to bring standardisation in our schools through collaboration. Ev...
Read more

Free remote learning access for schools and colleges- TCS iON Digital Glass Room:

By
In the wake of the nation-wide lockdowns, TCS is offering schools and colleges, access to the TCS iON Digital Glass Room, a virtual learning platform, free of cost, so students can continue learning at home through this unprecedented period. The TCS iON Digital Glass Room is a mobile and web education platform for schools and colleges, that empowers educators to engage with students in real-time by sharing lessons, videos, worksheets, assignments and assessments, using interactive methods like polls, debates, quizzes, surveys and many more tools. As an add-on, the platform also provides an embedded live classroom, which simulates live classroom teaching. TCS iON Digital Glass Room is available to educational institutes of all types, irrespective of the medium of instruction, Board/university affiliation, or size. Interested schools and higher education organizations can register for the platform by going to https://learning.tcsionhub.in/hub/glass-room/ Click to open: or copy a...
Read more