How adults' interaction with children influences child's behaviour:

“Please put your shoes on- we’re going out.”

How we view a ‘command’: Put your shoes on.

How children’s brains perceive it:

1- Dad/Mom is saying something.

2- Stop focusing on what I’m doing.

3- Listen to my parent.

4- Now I don’t know what they said.

5- Go back to the original task.

6- Almost start the task.

7- Parent says put on shoes.

8- I need to stop doing what I’m doing.

The following steps make it seem daunting:

9- I have to get up.

10- I have to look for shoes.

11- I have to be fast.

12- What if I’m not fast enough

13- Where do I begin to look for my shoes?

14- There’s a lot of stuff everywhere.

15- There are a lot of shoes.

16- I have to narrow down mine.

13- I’m feeling overwhelmed

14- I need more time to process this

15- I need help

Our response: Get irritated and upset that they didn’t do it right away

Their brain’s response: Activate stress response. Shut down PFC (prefrontal cortex where thinking happens)

Outcome: Shoe-wearing process has completely stalled

Our response: Start yelling

Their brain’s response: Shoe-wearing is a stressful process and makes my parent upset with me. Need to activate fight or flight whenever shoe-wearing comes up.

Alternate way:

Walk up to child.

Gentle touch or eye contact.

Simple information “We’re going out. You need shoes.”

Add choice “Will you put on shoes or you need help?”

If there’s no response or the answer is no.

#Kindlystrict boundary setting.

“Looks like you’re needing help. I’m going to put on your shoes for you.”

“مجھے لگ رہا ہے آپ کو مدد چاہے۔ میں آپ کو جوتے پہنا دیتا ہوں۔”

Just helping children in this calm and matter of fact manner ACTUALLY keeps their PFC activated so they can store the information for future use. Getting mad at them inactivates the PFC so they never learn.

Validate any resulting feelings. “You’re upset that I’m putting shoes on you. You wanted to keep playing.”

“او خو! آپ کو بلکل اچھا نھی لگ رہا کے میں نے آپ کی گیم

کو انٹرپٹ کر دیا۔ “

This gentle response and validation further engages their PFC so they now associate wearing shoes with their parent’s gentleness and affection. These two are the best ingredients for learning: showing + compassion

They’ll be running to put on their shoes themselves and not even let you انشاللہ. I don’t guarantee a lot of things here but this one I can. 😏

Source:

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